The Auburn Sky

The auburn sky was getting gloomy. Distant clouds traversed the sky ingeniously while a gentle breeze wandered around. She sat near the riverbank alone, studying the water running by without a worry. Her luminous brown eyes stared into some unknown space, her disheveled hair tied in an untidy knot above her head. The memories came flooding back to her like tidal waves crashing onto the shore. In her 14 years of life she had never felt so alone, so helpless.

Her father’s voice still echoed in her head, the words piercing through her soul. Her mother’s face soaked in tears created a picture in her mind that was hard to efface.
Her whole life seemed to be flashing in front of her eyes and she tried to quell the emotions that had bundled up and were about to erupt like a volcano.
The breeze was getting stronger now and the memories kept coming back.

Mina was the only child of her parents, living in the small village of Comilla. The family owned a shabby two-roomed cottage; her father was a fishmonger and her mother stayed home all day, often cleaning the house or cooking. Money was never abundant in the family, unlike her mother’s love for her, who always treated her like a little princess in her own little ways. Her mother would make her little dolls out of old weathered pieces of cloth, stitched together and would always cook her daughter’s favorite meals whenever she would get the opportunity. Mina’s amiable and modest nature earned her the affection of her teachers and neighbors who adored her.

Despite all the love she got, Mina had a constant aching in her heart that haunted her, night and day.
Ever since Mina was old enough to be aware of her surroundings, she developed a tiny void in her heart. She had never gotten to know her father. He had built an icy exterior around himself, which was never to be penetrated especially not by his daughter. Mina feared his arrogance and inexplicable temper, and was tremendously intimidated by him. Even as a young child she could comprehend that her father was completely indifferent towards her and would detest any initiative taken by her to make conversations with him. Once she had asked her mother

“Amma, why does Abba hate me?”
Her mother looked alarmed and instantly put on a awkward smile and replied saying,
“Oh dear, Your Abba doesn’t hate you, who told you that?”
“Well...he never talks to me”
“He is just very busy, he loves you more than I do”
She smiled again reassuringly and ran her hand across Mina’s forehead.

Mina was not to be fooled and it wasn’t long before she was hit by the truth.
It was a cold winter afternoon and the air felt like iced water. Mina was 8 years old then and on that particular Tuesday, was sent back home early from school. She ran all the way home in the bitter weather. As the ecstatic little girl was about to enter the house, she heard voices coming from inside and stopped. Her father was yelling at the top of his voice and she could hear her mother crying.

“It is all your fault! You gave birth to a girl, and I am ashamed to even show my face in public!”

The words hit her like a dagger, cutting through deep into her flesh. Terrified, She ran away from the house and wandered around till it was the usual time for her to come back home from school. She had finally learned the reason for her father’s total disregard of her existence. She did not cry and neither did she hate her father. She wanted him to love her; she wanted him to see that she was no less than a son. She wanted to belong.

When she returned, everything was calm; her father had left and her mother was quietly weeping at the corner of the room sitting on her bed. When she saw Mina, she was a little taken aback, managed a forced smile and wiped her eyes.
“I had a really bad headache”
Even if she hadn’t known the truth, Mina would still know that her mother was lying. The sorrow in her eyes was inevitable.

From that day onwards, Mina worked hard at school and did as much of the house chores as she possibly could. All for a little appreciation from her father, maybe just a vague smile. Knowing that her father loathed her, she still tried her best to trigger a little bit of emotion in her father’s unyielding heart but in vain.

Years passed by like silent nights and Mina never expressed the pain she felt, it was all safely locked up in her little heart, never to be revealed.

It was early in the morning today, right after dawn, when Mina was awoken by loud voices booming inside her room like satanic demons flying about. Confused and a little panic-stricken, she slowly got up from her bed and almost soundlessly made her way to the tiny opening of her shattered room that led to the adjoining room of her parents. The girl was trembling in fear, as the voices got louder by each step she took. Her heart pounding heavily, she peeked inside the room. To her horror, she saw her father standing at the far end of the room with a huge bamboo stick in his right hand, constantly swearing and yelling, his enraged face had turned red.

Her mother lay on the floor, on the other side of the room, sobbing uncontrollably. Her hair spread all across her face, like a lunatic. Little drops of blood trickled down from her arms and cheeks, from where the bamboo stick had smashed into her.

Her father was still yelling, like an obscene monster whose hunger was yet to be satisfied. The bitter words spoken, passed by like a blurry train to Mina and she couldn’t capture the words. What she was seeing was too appalling for her to absorb. Eventually the words seemed to make sense to her.

“I’m leaving, I’ll go to the City for a job. You can go where ever you want with your daughter!”

“Please...Please..don’t leave us. Where shall we go? This is my home!” The words were almost inaudible through her sobbing.

“I don’t care! You gave birth to a daughter and now I’m cursed!”

Mina could no longer bear to listen to what her father had yet to say. She ran, she ran as fast as her legs would allow her, trying to run away from the words, from the blame. She stopped right next to the river, numerous thoughts racing through her head.
“Had she not tried to be a good daughter?”
“Is gender all that it takes to please a father, or to make a good human being?”
She couldn’t answer her own questions.

It had been hours since she sat by the secluded river. A sudden drop of tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. It was the first time she had cried. She looked up at the night sky; the moon had silently crept into the sky and seemed to stare back at her inquisitively. She smiled back, numb on the inside.

A new day was to begin from tomorrow. A new struggle. A new phase of life. She took one last look at the celestial moon, beaming proudly, and started back towards home. What other wondrous surprises does life have in store for me? She wondered as she carelessly walked through the muddy road.